The Dad Zone
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This is a comedy advice podcast by two dads who know all there is to know about dadding. They answer questions from listeners and the internet about the trials and tribulations of parenthood from a dads perspective.
No topic is out of bounds, these two dads are unafraid of addressing the difficult issues. Mostly they just talk rubbish and sometimes they even give sensible advice!

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    Shady Imposter and Bread Defroster

    This week the Dad Zone draws a line in the sand. An ancient war for the very souls of humankind has battled for centuries beneath our very noses. A battle between yin and yang, good and evil, right and wrong. We shed light on this feud between bread bin people and freezer bread people. which are you? We also offer lots of great advice, read funny memes and taste some beer.

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    Dad Zone's Wild West Spectacular

    Well, Howdy Pilgrims! In honour of the release and our subsequent addiction to Red Dead Redemption 2, we have dedicated a whole episode to the Wild West, and it's totally spectacular. So strap on your chaps, spurs and six shooters as the Dad Zone takes you on a marvellous journey into the dangerous 1800's. Oh, we also review Netflix's The Duel and of course Red Dead Redemption 2. YeeHaw!

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    Tough Gun Laws and The "I'm Fine" Clause

    Soooooooo.... Red Dead Redemption 2 came out this week and we would much rather be playing that, but instead you get your precious podcast episode! We hope you're happy! Do you need an AK-47 to keep the King of England from stealing your Wife? What's good about vegetable gardens? Not much but we talk about it. Also if you happen to need help with your tax return, then maybe listen to us, maybe.

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    Too Much Tarantino? and The Gator King's Bambino

    Wow! Big episode this week full of intrigue, surprises and reveals. We finally find out that Andrew is in fact a MORLOCK! We ask "Can a film be to Tarantino-y?" We chat about Banksy's latest stunt and figure out whats the deal with baby gender reveal parties. Reviews this week include The Haunting of Hill House, The Hateful Eight, Assassins Creed: Odyssey and Rise of the Tomb Raider.

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    Nagging Him and Checking on Jim

    We are back after a forced two week break to an influx of disgruntled wives asking for advice. Never fear though, Simon is back with a new microphone, sounding better than ever! Goddamn it listen to those silky tones! Andrew's here too, no vocal improvements there but heck, was there room for any? Nope is the answer.

    Beer reviews, memes, heroes, Jim Morrison and advice abound. What else could you ask for? Lots probably but we can only deliver so much. Give us a break.

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    Tenant's Vengeful Designs and 400 Dead Felines

    Ever wanted to get back at your greedy landlord? Well this is the episode for you! We also delve deep into the Croydon Cat Killer mystery, argue about the best way to create a Platypus and catch up on Andrews fitness quest. Reviews this week include The Predator, Disney's Christopher Robin, Unfriended: Dark Web and The Apple Watch series 4.

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    Where's the Steak and Car.... Mistake? Rhymed Steak with Mistake there.... pretty clever.

    This week we write the book on how to live with domestic blindness... that's BLINDNESS, Simon. Also what the hell is the point of a lid on the laundry basket? Its an entrapment device I tell ya! ENTRAPMENT! Some poor guy keep backing into his neighbours car and we give constructive advice on how to deal with that particular issue.

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    A Dying Man's Request and Nike Supports The Protest

    Controversy Alert! We chat about the NFL's anthem protest and Nike's new ad campaign. We also discuss what our dying wishes would be and surprise surprise they are very #NSFW. We review new spooky movie The Nun, Netflix's Ozark and classic family movie The Dark Crystal. Spiderman PS4 gets a good score and NBA 2K18 doesn't. We also check in with Andrew for an update on his weight loss journey.

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    Stolen Goods and Too Much Foods

    Its our annual fathers day episode!!!!! Fathers day in australia anyway before get ferociously get @ me. We discuss and rate the terrible presents that you, the listener, received. Also we unpack what it means to have two daughters or two sons. There's a question about someone who eats a lot too, so look forward to that.

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    The Sco Mo is Hired and A Farter gets Fired

    Australia has a new Prime Minister, again! So, the dad zone get elbow deep in the latest Australian leadership spill. There was also this guy who filmed himself farting at work and then got fired, whats up with that? Simon reviews Leigh Whannel's Upgrade and Netflix's Final Space while Andrew actually watched something this week, his reviews include The Worlds End and the TV show Younger, enjoy.

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    Toilet Spray and GTA

    Guys, gather round and listen to a story, a story about how I love writing episode summaries. You see kids, when I'm late editing an episode, the last thing I want to do is come up with an amazing, rhyming title and an informative episode summary. But then I have a dilemma, do I tie myself in knots trying to come up with an appropriately lengthy and informative episode summary, or do I just phone it in by writing any old junk?

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    T.W.O - Simon, Hamish, Andy and Andy

    This is it! The episode that we blow up, where The Dad Zone Podcast finally hits the big time! Simon and Andrew interview Australian radio and TV superstars Hamish and Andy! Wow! We also review You were never really here, The Staircase and talk about drunk animals. I hope fame doesn't change us! P.s. There is no such show as Gordon Ramsay's Crimetorium, Andrew made it up, so don't spend 15 minutes searching the internet for it, like I did...

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    Division of Labor and Movie Night Favour

    Hey ho! It Andrew and Simon again. Here to tell you how you are doing it wrong. I tell you what guys, you're a real piece of work aren't ya? Who do you think you are coming in here and throwing your weight around? THIS IS OUR PODCAST AND WE'LL DO WHAT WE WANT (Which is talk about beer.... and give advice.... and look at memes.... ) These show notes don't have much to do with the actual content of the episode but you get what you pay for I guess. Enjoy!

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    T.W.O - Isa Nublar and Idris Elba

    The Dads review Jurassic World 2, Sacha Baron Cohen's Who is America and debate just how many things could be better with a little more Idris Elba.

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    Good Fast Food and Bad Game Mood

    This week is the final of season 2. Will Andrew escape from that pack of mutant wolves? Will Simon finish his PHD in time to save the President? The answers to these questions and more lie within....

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    T.W.O - Incredibles 2 and The Witch

    The Dad's review Incredibles 2, The Witch and countdown our top 5 movies we can't wait to show our kids.

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    Beer Appreciation and Toilet Altercation

    This week we talk more than usual about beer . We discuss psychic marriage planners and hiding in the toilet. We also have a screaming argument about pooping, so that's a highlight. We also put the shout out to you, the fans, to help us come up with a new segment.

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    T.W.O - E3 2018 and Hereditary

    The Dad's review the super creepy Hereditary and discuss the best and worst reveals at E3 2018

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    Wedding Rings and Stripper Things

    This week, the pod has special features including but not limited to..... recording issues. Also we talk about light sabres, lost wedding rings, the dark web and children going mental in electronics stores. Buy Andrew's old car at http://bit.ly/buyandrewscar

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    Tantrum Shootin' and Too Much Gluten

    This week on The Dad Zone we tackle kids tantrums, get super medical with regards to recommended gluten intake and convince some guys wife to watch Game of Thrones. The make a Bad Dad Feel Better Service (MABDFBS) makes it triumphant return and we give Brownie Pointers a well deserved break (or we give you a well deserved break from it, depending on your preferences).

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    Dad Zone's First Week off

    The Week off is the new bi weekly podcast from The Dad Zone where Simon and Andrew talk about Games, Movies and current affairs.

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    Snips and Tips

    In the triumphant return of The Dad Zone, we talk extensively about Andrew's balls. We pump out sage advice and feature the WORLD'S GREATEST EVER MEME. Brownie Pointers is mercifully short and we also answer the age old question: "Attack your child's bully or..... do something else?".

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    Best of The Dad Zone Ep's 3 - 7

    This week Andrew is away, Yay! So Simon solo pilots the Pod DeLorean as we travel back in time and catch the best bits from Episodes 3,4,6 & 7. WARNING it gets fairly risqué as we discuss sexual education, getting "caught" by your kids and for the first time ever have some "totally real" sponsors, Cha Ching!

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    Pagan Temptations and Gaming Celebrations

    This week we anger Jesus and the Easter Bunny by suggesting they share their holiday with some of the old gods. In a world first, we discuss the ironic qualities of a certain song and we revisit some great games of the past. We are also slightly late in releasing the episode for the SECOND TIME EVER.

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    Computer Games and Genital Names

    In this weeks episode we discuss what to call your junk (ironically, 'junk' didn't come up), computer games which may or may not be appropriate for kids and how to divide the household chores. I know I know I know, this is a sub par blurb for the show, but I'm running late ok? Get off my case.

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    Porn rules and private schools

    In this episode of The Dad Zone, we answer the age old question of how much porn is too much porn? We debate public v private schools and go DEEP into the flat earth society. Andrew has an anecdote and riding high from the success of The Ronk (tm), Simon attempts to create a new wrestling persona with, wait for it.... MIXED RESULTS!

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    The RONK!

    If you SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIF..... What the RONK...... Is...... slow roasting.

    Thats right jebronies, this is the debut of the worlds greatest new wrestling personality. Also, Andrew and Simon answer all your questions about Andrews hairdresser, robot/child hybrids and when its ok to lie to children (spoiler: always). Brownie pointers continues to poison your sex drive and we have perhaps the worlds greatest meme.

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    Movie Themes and Difficult Memes

    Welcome back DZoners! This week we tackle the most difficult Meme Watch submission ever, but witness the birth of an exciting and terrible twitter profile from its ashes. We talk about what was in the briefcase and kids with mobile phones. Simon demands more sexy voices and we get the definitive answer to happy new year wishing etiquette.

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    Sexy Voices and Disipline Choices

    Here we are again for the second time in 2018! What a treat we have in store for you guys. Theres a new segment that definitely won't poison your ears and haunt you forever. There's all the old favourites! Questions, advice, a hero or two, MEMES. More words to fill up the episode summary. Oh look at all the words I'm typing. Here's another one! Wowee! Words.

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    Switch Injections and Unwanted Corrections

    We're baaaaack! Refreshed and rearing to go after the christmas break, Andrew and Simon answer questions and dispense advice. We talk zombies and regifting. We announce our plan to catch em all (all the fantasy authors that is). Also book recommendations and Simon tries his best not to spoil The Sinner. Enjoy!

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    Bonus Episode - Simon Reviews Murder on the Orient Express

    So its been a while since our last episode and our resident 'good guy', Simon, was missing you and wanted to give you another episode. I told him not to bother but he insisted. Here it is then, Simons review of Murder on the Orient Express.

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    Special Episode: Peter V Brett Interview

    Christmas has come early! less than a week after Andrew and Simon promised to go on holidays, they go and do this to ya! Please find herein an interview with New York Times best selling author Peter V Brett of the Demon Cycle. We talk about his books, his dadding techniques, Andrew gets drunk and calls him by the wrong name. Simon asks about American leave entitlements. This podcast really has everything. You can find Peter on twitter @pvbrett or on the web at www.petervbrett.com

    If you haven't already, do yourself a favour and get at his books, they are fantastic. Start with The Painted Man (or the Warded Man if you are in America).

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    Song Crimes and Study Times

    Simon sprays his Christmas cheer all over the face of this episode like it's the inside of a penthouse forum magazine (he prefers the stories). We talk about gift giving, suspicious activity and how best to teach your kids about nazis and robot dinosaurs.

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    Time for Fornications and Removing Decorations

    This week Andrew and Simon find time for sex... not like that. They also get to the bottom of when it is appropriate to decorate shit at different times of the year (well xmas anyway). What do you do if someone dresses your kid in team colours you don't agree with? Who cares? (Simon). An in-depth and nostalgic analysis of stuff kids don't have to do now days is also included! Beat that for value for money! You can't is the answer.

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    Episode 30 Part 2: This time it's personal

    This week we celebrate our 30th episode and finish our two part epic journey of.... it. We take a triumphant (and undeserved) victory lap of meme watch, resurrect the fart segment and talk about Thor Ragnarok. The city of Newcastle is the star of this one as Simon gets Andrew to describe a plate of chips they had in that very town! My cup floweth over with pure, unadulterated EXCITEMENT and yours will too. Come with the boys and experience the epic conclusion of episode 30.

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    Episode 30 Part 1: Origins

    What a jam packed episode we have for you, our loyal (and numerous) listeners! We crack perpetual motion and dole out divorce tips. MABDFBS (make a bad dad feel better service) makes its triumphant return due to popular demand. Snickers v Mars bar, which is better? Beer festival chat. Sit back and enjoy the epic first part of our 30th episode extravaganza!!!!! We also bring back an old segment, Ain't nobody got time for that!

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    Olive Fights and Christmas Lights

    Andrew maturely and respectfully interviews Simon about his food preferences. There are memes and Christmas traditions. Apples are discussed and a definitive answer is reached as to how much is reasonable to spend on a birthday. Not much dick talk this week, so its the perfect time to get your mum to start listening!

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    Great Impressions and Gross Confessions

    Boy howdy is this one a doozy! If you love great impressions it is anyway. If not, you might be out of luck. Andrew and Simon discuss gross stuff that kids have done, get mad at other podcasts and have a cavalcade of famous guests! Download if you know whats good for you!

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    Pregnant Guys and Birthday Surprise

    Here we go. Simon is back from an extended social media absence. We talk a bout answering questions from listeners. Between three and four questions, to be precise. But wait, there's more. You want segments? We got 'em. You want other stuff? It's probably there.

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    Scottish Lads and Breaks for Dads

    Andrew and Simon return triumphant after having a sneaky week off, both from the pod and (in Andrew's case) work in general. There's Scottish heroes, strategies for removing mother-in-laws and toilet seat discussion. You name it and its there, except of course if you name 'good fake accents' because they definitely aren't there.

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    Occasionally phoning it in

    Hi, you've reached Andrew and Simon. We aren't here at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message with an occasional dad episode we recorded weeks ago but have only just got around to editing, that would be great. Leave your name and num.... beeeeeep

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    Baby Proof House and New Mum's Grouse

    In this weeks episode we reclaim the Dad Zone from the clutches of those dastardly Hi Hungry, I'm Dad boys and discuss the birth of Simons marriage and Andrew's cat's trip to Valhalla. We give sage advise about how best to introduce kids to the new girlfriend and we baby proof the shit out of a house.

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    Hi Hungry I'm the Dad Zone Episode Swap

    This week we get taken over by Jared and Nathan from the Hi Hungry, I'm Dad podcast. They do their best to fill our shoes while we are busy over in America getting foot cramps and broken toes by forcing ourselves into their tiny footwear. You can find us crushing their podcast by searching for Hi Hungry, I'm Dad on whatever pod machine floats your boat. While you are there, you should subscribe. They aren't terrible.

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    Stephen King's It and Kids Stepping in Poop

    Single dads guiding girls through puberty, cleaning up the back yard, two out of three actual memes, a hero, a bad dad segment, a yahoo answer. What else do you guys want? Because we have it all. Whats that? Oh you wanted other things? There's probably a couple of items I haven't mentioned here. Oh yeah, Harrison Ford! We have Harrison Ford...... related chat. HARRISON FORD.

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    Bonus Episode! Occasional Dad 03

    Ben is back after his long weekend of single parenting and is mostly unscathed. Although, we won't be able to say the same thing about your ears after listening to the misfortunes he endured. Other than that, we mostly talk about a photo of Andrew's arse which he doesn't remember existing.

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    Lengthy Tales and Teething Fails

    This week we talk teething, sibling co habitation and.... other things. We have looooong hero's of the week and get in a heated discussion about whether amber beads = certain death. Simon's 'good boy' persona is outed as a sham and... and... oh just listen ok? Andrew needs a drink.

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    Cracker Nights and Sibling Fights

    Dad jokes in movies, sibling bickering management and pet heroes are just a sample of what is in store this week. Also memes n that. MABDFBS goes from strength to strength as Andrew looks inwards and the boys give an in depth review of the latest Stephen King movie (not IT).

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    Dad Zone Fur Baby Special

    This week marks the first ever fur baby special. We decided that marketing the show to only those with human babies is CRAZY. So we are throwing those of you with non-human dependents a freaking bone. We talk about dogs, cats, snakes... other dogs... a hat maybe. PETS! Also we have a new regular segment: The Apologise for Crappy Audio Quality Corner! We think its gonna run and run.

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    Dad's Night out and White Lie Doubt. Featuring Robert Knop

    This week we are joined by special guest dad, Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins). He helps us answer questions about white lies and going out on the town like a boss! Also MemeWatch is still here #nomemewatch (or #promemewatch if you've lost your mind). Meanwhile, Andrew's great new segment continues to kick goals!

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    Movie Dads and Sleepy Lads

    This week Simon simultaneously holds the show together and keeps Andrew awake. We discuss movie and tv role models, partially born babies and we launch a call to arms. Tweet #nomemewatch to combat the insidious #promemewatch movement on twitter. We also make bad dads feel better for the second week in a row.

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    Bonus Episode! Occasional Dad 02

    Ben, the occasional dad, infiltrates the podcast yet again to provide content for our second bonus episode. We mainly discuss hot dog condiments. There is some other stuff too, but If you think I'm going to spoil that for you here, you had better think again buster!

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    Movie Sharing and Poop Wearing

    Simon and Andrew answer a bunch of questions submitted by other podcasts including when to introduce your old favourite movies to your kids, how old is too old to become a parent and poop management tips. The fart segment is replaced with a bold new (and impressive) service and we are still plagued by meme watch.

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    Internet Skills and Ninja Thrills

    Whoa! This is a long one, but its chock full of podcasty goodness. We interview twitter mega star, author and all-round parenting joke factory James Breakwell (@xplodingunicorn) about his new book "Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse", and all the other things! Also we tackle fatherly ninja skills and stay at home parenting for dads!

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    Bonus Episode! Occasional Dad 01

    Congratulations you bloodsucking freaks! Here's a bonus episode. It's the first of our series of 'every now and then' episodes where we are joined by occasional (and very new) dad, Ben. We recap some old advice and provide more clarity while helping Ben on his journey as the father of a three month old. Shuddup and listen. Also, we experience some audio issues. Sue me.

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    Twin Names and Nasty Games

    In this weeks episode we talk movie quotes, porn and names for twins. Simon shows off his newest iPhone app and Andrew remains unimpressed with the memes.

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    Thumb Suckers and Picky F*ckers

    On this weeks episode we talk finances, picky eaters and sex enabling child distractions. Simon and Andrew slog through another meme watch swell as talking farts again. AGAIN.

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    Bed Wetting and Sex Getting

    In this episode we discuss a variety of ways to give the mother of your newborn a break, when to turn down the special cuddles from your significant other and how to quit nappies at night. Also, Simon introduces two new (and terrible) segments through a haze of snot and coughs.

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    Daddy Chic and Mind Freak

    This week we discuss cheating at cards, driving games, hair styling and magic. Simon and Andrew debate the boob vs bottle and we find time to go to the movies.

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    House Wives and Burger Wars

    In this weeks episode we discuss push presents, high school dropouts, womens work and after birth. Andrew heroically shows up despite a debilitating case of man flu and the boys get into a heated argument that might even eclipse the chuck v bruce explosion from a previous pod.

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    Space Docks and Super Heroes

    In this weeks episode we discuss raunchy interruptions, super heroes and ghosts using iPhones. We introduce a new segment and bring back an old favourite as well as give a look behind the curtain into the online graphic design process. One other thing..... we apologise in advance for any mental images that may result from listening (don't google anything). Enjoy!

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    Horror Movies and Mexican Standoffs

    In this episode of The Dad Zone we answer questions from REAL PEOPLE. Thats right, not just scumbags from Yahoo. We talk horror movies, Mexican standoffs and favourite parents. Andrew and Simon furiously backpedal after almost saying something deeply offensive and get away with it! You won't even notice!

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    Bananas and Piercings

    In this episode we talk about territorial takeaway, sex education fruit, piercings and baby sleep. Simon carries the show as Andrew potentially suffers a minor stroke, gets distracted during question time and forgets all the things.

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